Sometimes I can’t help but chuckle at the idiocy of our government and their attempt to mask events. Take this upcoming Satellite Of Doom adventure. The Navy, later this week, is going to shoot down a faulty spy satellite. Of course, the officials tell us, this is NOT a weapons test. This is NOT trying to show China that we, too, can destroy satellites. Instead, we need to remember that…

• IT HAS A FULL TANK OF FUEL!!!
• THAT FUEL COULD DISPENSE A CLOUD OF DEADLY FUMES!!!
• THAT CLOUD COULD COVER UP TO TWO FOOTBALL FIELDS!!!

Har-dee-har-har. What a lame-ass set of excuses. You could, at least, tell me that it’s got 100 pounds of plutonium or something. But, come on. A full tank of fuel–which will burn up during re-entry. A cloud of deady fumes–which will burn up in re-entry. Two football fields–over a planet that’s only 29% land–and of which only a dinky amount is populated. Talk about fear mongering.

Here are the odds I’m laying down:

• 60% chance of total miss, satellite mostly burns up in atmosphere, the rest lands in the ocean, the Chinese laugh their asses off.
• 30% chance of hit, satellite mostly burns up in atmosphere, the rest lands in the ocean, we look smug.
• 10% chance of hit, knocking it wildly off course, causing it to hit the space station, red-faces all-around.

On the bright side, at least they are waiting until after the space shuttle lands on Wednesday. Also, it was nice of them to make this public; I wonder who blew the whistle.

I end this with some FAMOUS LAST WORDS: “NASA Administrator Michael Griffin said there’s nothing the military can do to make the outcome worse.”