I’ve been dealing with two product recently which have been driving me up a wall, and for simple reasons. Here’s the first:

The OXO Pepper Grinder : Designed By Oxen

The below photo is of their flax grinder (why you’d want to grind flax at home is a whole other question). I couldn’t find a photo of their pepper grinder, maybe because they were so ashamed of it.

I picked up mine at a second-hand store, and now I think I know why. For a while it worked well, and I really liked it. It was handy, a good shape, has a nice ceramic grinder, and so on. But there are two big problems with this grinder. First, you have to tip it upside down to get it to grind (so the glass is facing up). You are seeing this more and more in “high end” grinders. That’s okay, I guess, but it feeds the FATAL FLAW: The sloppy, unreliable, locking mechanism.

See that big button on the side of the grinder? That’s the release button, that allows the black grinder part to separate from the glass container. You press it under one condition: To refill the grinder.

The problem is, you have to hold the glass and twist the black part to grind (taking off the colored cap first). You can see where this is going, right? It’s unusually simple for a finger to slip and press that button. Then, thanks to the “upside down” design, the glass bowl unlocks, and you have a 1/2 cup of peppercorns scatter throughout your kitchen.

About a week ago I had such a misadventure while trying to grind pepper over eggs. Peppercorns everywhere. It was the first time it happened, so I thought it was a fluke. Well, I spent a good part of Saturday cleaning up the Kitchen, and picking up the million peppercorns (after destroying breakfast). And I carefully cleaned out the grinder.

All seemed well, until yesterday, where I got to not only dump an entire refilled container of peppercorns into my sloppy joes, but also got the treat of burning my hands in the process, desperately trying to prevent an abundance of peppercorns from destroying dinner.

Of course, I followed the time honored Nelson tradition of crappy tools: I smashed that fucking thing into the garbage. It was a pleasing sound when I saw it hit a beer bottle, causing the grinder to  crack in half. Good riddance.

My thoughts to the bonehead who designed this grinder: Never, ever put a release button close to a holding surface. That’s stupid. Second, that “neato” flip-it-upside-down-to-grind idea is turning out to be pretty dumb. If the cap of my old wooden William Bounds grinder falls off, all I lose is the cap. The pepper can go nowhere. If your gigantic pepper container goes loose, you get peppercorns everywhere. Brilliant!

Also, a big cockpunch goes out to the moron who decided that making the container out of regular glass, instead of tempered, was a great way to save money. If that container hit the floor, I would have had shards everywhere.

Dremel 7.2V MultiPro : When Tools Are Designed By Interns

Meet the Dremel MultipPro, battery powered version. We picked this up a while ago, as we thought it would be handy to have a Dremel which didn’t have a cord. (Important for our tiny, power-lacking, apartment.)

I’ve typically found Dremels to be pretty good tools. I’ve had a corded one for ages, and it never gave me problems. The primary exception is their utterly annoying collet system for holding bits. I understand that collets are good for highspeed and accurate work, but come-on, this is 2008. Come up with a design that doesn’t take me 2 minutes to change a bit. (I know they have a chuck accessory, but that could be included, not a $10 add-on.)

Anyhow, let’s take a look at this tool. First, it feels a lot cheaper than their other tools. Mostly lightweight plastic. Second, and more annoying, is the horrific power switch. It is too hard to swich, it doesn’t stay in position, and there are too many instances where you think it’s “off” but it’s just barely. Very dangerous. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is, like the OXO, the battery release.

See that ribbed oval-shaped blue tab toward the battery end? That’s one of two battery release tabs. (You have to release the battery to charge it in a wall charger.) See how it, like the OXO, is EXACTLY where you would place your hand? And guess what happens? Nine times out of ten the battery unlatches RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of your work. This is no fun when you have a 10,000 RPM diamond bit cutting through something. I’ve fucked up more than one piece because of this idiotic battery design.

Now, normally, you might be able to hold the tool closer to the bit. That’s why there is a rounded “finger stopper” area near the collet. The problem is, the tool is bottom heavy (toward the battery, at the one end). So, you end up shifting your hand position away from the bit (losing accuracy) and toward the battery (increasing your chances of unlatching the battery).

I honestly can’t think of one instance where the battery hasn’t fallen out on me while working. I’d wrap the thing in electrical tape to hold it on, but I can’t, since the battery has to come off to charge. What a fucking pain in the ass. This tool is riding a razer edge toward going in the garbage. One more slip up and it will get kicked to the curb.

A Wrap Up

Both of these product show tools gone bad. What I don’t understand is why two companies, known for making good tools (be it kitchen or workshop) can come up with such clunkers. Did they let the college interns design them?

Perhaps more concerning is how these tools ever got out of testing. Didn’t ANYONE say, gee, the balance of this tool is off, people might disconnect the batteries / unlock the lids? Didn’t ANY testing occur? Christ, it takes about 10 minutes with the Dremel to realize that the battery “locks” are in probably the WORST place to have them.

The frustrating part is knowing that these tools should never had made it to manufacturing, let alone in consumers hands. There is no reason why either of them should have the flaws they do. The problems simply aren’t subtle, they are glaring mistakes that should have been caught by at least a dozen people along the line from product concept to manufacturing. Didn’t ANYONE say, or have the authority to, stop the process?

Are we so wrapped up in throw-away junk that we can’t design anything properly anymore? I don’t think so, but some of the current products get me awfully discouraged.